Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
