I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I think people are normalizing furries
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
