No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
