Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
