we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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