"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
