Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
