@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
