Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
