I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
