all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
