She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
