I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
