does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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