I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
