Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
