It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
