I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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