Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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