If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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