just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
