singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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