He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
