i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
