I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
