Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
