How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
