yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
