So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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