I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
