we have pet lesbian snakes
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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