'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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