where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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