hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
it glows. i had to have it.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
