so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
