The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
