Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
