i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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