No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
