there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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