Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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