she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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