ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
