you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
