you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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