Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
