No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
