I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
