You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
