You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
