Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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