Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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